I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
