I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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