She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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