If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize