I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
