I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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