OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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