dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
