So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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