bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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