The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
