you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
