her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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