Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So much rum. So many feels.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
