I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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