Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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