Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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