I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize