She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
