Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
