Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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