ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
