absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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