if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
