The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
