But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
