I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
