There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
