You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
