that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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