I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
