90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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