yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize