I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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