but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
