idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
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On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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