I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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