Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
