He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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