I haven't been this sober since birth.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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