Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
