I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
