so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I look better un-naked...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
