Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
