I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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