I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
