We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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