why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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