I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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