I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
