You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
