i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
