You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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