Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she told me i tasted like america
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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