ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she pinky promised me she was 18
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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