Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
