Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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