youre lurking in front of me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
