wakey wakey hands off snakey
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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