just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
