You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
ugly people sure do ruin things
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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