There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
