where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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