i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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