i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
