i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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