get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
