Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
