ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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