JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
