everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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