mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize