whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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