i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
