Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
