remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
