waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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