Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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