Where did you get a picture of my penis
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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